Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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