if i can run in heels then i can drive
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
