your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
