I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
