so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
should my penis look like a turkey
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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