i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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