Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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