I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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