Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
