Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
