I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
