once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
