Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
