Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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