i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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