Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
