You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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