Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
