made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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