i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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