he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
