It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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