Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
