i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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