I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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