is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A bitchslap is in order.
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