We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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