Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
