No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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