I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
