I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
