Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
