Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
