they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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