The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
