just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
