there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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