1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
