dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
