Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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