i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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