He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
be right there i have to get my cape
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
