I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
