I can't watch pbs sober anymore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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