he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
