He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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