I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
