I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
