My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
