At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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